We've sent a man to the moon and built a robot that can play ping-pong, yet we still have absolutely no idea what to say to impress a potential date. Tells us a lot about how inept the human race really is. But since that's the way the world seems to work, why bother trawling through countless lists of "100 Chat-Up Lines 100% Guaranteed To Work and Aren't Creepy At All" when you can just pick up some tips from your favourite movie characters? I mean, they might not (probably won't) work, but at least you'll be memorable.
Charade (Stanley Donen, 1963)
"I don't bite, you know...unless it's called for."
This was recently voted by female users of online dating site Badoo as their favourite pick-up line to use from the movies. I'm going to assume this has a lot more to do with the false sense of confidence instilled by deluding yourself into thinking you're as classy as Audrey Hepburn over any actual observed effects.
Internal Affairs (Mike Figgis, 1990)
"That's a nice dress. Where's the rest of it?"
Look, I already warned you that these lines won't all have a high success rate. So you might want to avoid taking advice from Andy Garcia and going straight in for the insult. I mean, I'm not the boss of you. I won't (and in fact physically can't) stop you, but I will absolutely not claim responsibility for what happens next.
Top Gun (Tony Scott, 1986)
"You've lost that loving feeling."
I speak only for myself here but...pull this move and I AM YOURS. Sweep me off my feet or lose me forever, Maverick. You can be my wingman anytime. I feel the need for speed etc. etc.
To Have and Have Not (Howard Hawks, 1944)
"You know how to whistle, don't you?"
Hey, apparently asking people whether they know how to whistle does actually work: 45-year-old Bogart and 20-year-old Bacall began an affair on set which eventually culminated in Bogart divorcing his third wife and marrying Bacall. They then remained together until Bogart's death from cancer in 1957. Who'd have thunk?
Batman Returns (Tim Burton, 1992)
“You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.”
“But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.”
Kudos to Catwoman here for salvaging one of the most nonsensical chat-up lines in existence. Sure her reply rates pretty high on the cheesy scale, but just imagine if she hadn't replied at all. If she had just left "mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it" with an awkward silence and "Oh, I didn't know that". How could you possibly hope to impress someone with botanical facts? Come on, Batman, get it together.
Leaving Las Vegas (Mike Figgis, 1995)
“I really wish that you'd come home with me. You're so cute and I'm really good in bed too, believe me.”
OK, sure, extremely wasted Nic Cage. I trust your assertion that you're really good in bed and will not question your bias on this matter.
Kids (Larry Clark, 1995)
“Gertie, I wanna buy you food. I wanna buy you corn dogs.”
This chat-up line would have a much, much higher success rate if the offer was pizza. The things humans will do for pizza.
Scarface (Brian De Palma, 1983)
“You're good-looking, you got a beautiful body, beautiful legs, beautiful face, all these guys in love with you. Only you’ve got a look in your eye like you haven't been f***ed in a year."
With chat-up lines like this and whatever pathetic attempt he's calling dancing, it's probably a good thing he's got that criminal empire going for him.
Lost In Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2004)
“Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break.”
Outside of prison, this is actually a super cute line. Inside prison, not so much.
Napoleon Dynamite (Jared Hess, 2004)
"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."
Napoleon Dynamite should be everyone's spiritual leader. What's he going to do today? Whatever he wants to (Gosh!). Should women be pressured into dieting to conform to society's impossible beauty standards? Err, no (Gosh!). Right on, Napoleon!
Face/Off (John Woo, 1997)
“I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.”
Would this be creepier coming from Nic Cage, I wonder? Because it's deeply creepy coming from John Travolta being Nic Cage. That wave at the end. Jeepers.
The Sure Thing (Rob Reiner, 1985)
"How would you like to have a sexual experience so intense it could conceivably change your political views?"
This movie opens on the failure of this chat-up line leading Gib (John Cusack) to lament that he's lost his touch with women. No way, I find that very hard to believe. Surely there's got to be someone who would fall for it purely out of curosity for what he actually means and how he actually means to achieve it?
Cool as Ice (David Kellogg, 1991)
"Drop that zero and get with the hero."
I don't know if you're aware of the fact that Vanilla Ice had his own movie. And not just his own movie: a movie with cinematography by Janusz Kamiński, who has done every single one of Spielberg's movies since Schindler's List, and was also supposedly an updated version of Rebel Without a Cause. I mean, clearly from this clip you can understand how Vanilla Ice was the James Dean of the '90s.
So there you go. If you decide to try any of these out, let us know. No seriously, we absolutely need to know what happened. It's either going to end in a beautiful marriage or a restraining order.
Follow Clarisse on Twitter: @clarisselou