While it's all good and well to try and re-cap the week's movie news, we realise that it's the end of the week and the daily grind has probably all but frazzled your brain, to the point where you can't concentrate on actual words or things that aren't brightly coloured. This is where the internet sensation for GIFs comes in, because why try and explain things when you can simply capture all your emotions in one constantly looping moving image.
CAN ANYONE REALLY COMPREHEND WHAT NYMPHOMANIAC IS ACTUALLY GOING TO BE LIKE?
I really can't figure out what exactly is happening here with Lars von Trier's next movie. Every news item on it just seems to be revealing weirdier and weirder facts about it; and whatever marketing team is working on it should get some serious pats on the back because my anticipation has pretty much reached through the roof now. So this week's brain explosion news was that Nymphomaniac's full current running time runs at 5 hours (although it will have a two-part theatrical release) but that Von Trier is currently considering running a TV series alongside the cinematic releases, because I don't know. We also now know that the film will start off in the '60s as a comedy, before exploring darker areas and will (brace yourself) not involve any slow motion. There's also the news that despite Von Trier's supposed persona non grata ban from Cannes may have only been a temporary indictment, and Nymphomaniac may actually get screened at Cannes. So much information, let's have a break and lie down for a bit.
EVERYONE IS REALLY INTO EMILE ZOLA AT THE MOMENT.
So we've already got a cinematic adaptation of Zola's Therese Raquin hitting theatres, starring Elizabeth Olson, Oscar Isaac, and Jessica Lange; but apparently Brian De Palma hasn't been told about it. The director has his own adaptation in the works starring Emily Mortimer as the lead; although this is supposedly an entirely different, very loose take on the novel. Apparently this one will revolve around a director making a movie about the author, only to discover that his own life and those of his two lead actors parallel Zola's great tragic romance novel. Sounds...unecessarily confusing.
LEO'S STILL HUNTING FOR THAT OSCAR.
Seriously, someone out there is getting desparate for this man to win one of those golden statues. It seems like every week casting rumours start circulating about the actor being attached to yet another grand, Oscar-baiting biopic or drama. This time, he's supposedly going to tackle Woodrow Wilson, the President that led the US into WWI and then set up that thing called the League of Nations that worked really well until that other thing called WII happened.
VIVE LA FRANCE! ANOTHER FRANCOIS OZON PIC IS IN THE WORKS!
Right off the back of his latest film Young and Beautiful's screening at Cannes, Ozon is already planning to get back to work to bring us Je Suis Femme, starring Romain Duris, Raphael Personnaz, and Anais Demoustier. That's pretty much all we know about it, but that doesn't mean we can't be excited, right?
NOAH BAUMBACH HAS BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FROM US.
An amazing secret, that is. Turns out he's been directing an animated movie for Dreamworks on the sly, based on a kids' series called Flawed Dogs. It's all about – wait for it – dogs; meaning I'm basically dying from all the future cuteness that is about to happen.
BRYAN CRANSTON. HAVE YOU HEARD THE WORDS BRYAN CRANSTON ENOUGH TODAY?
With the crazed mania surrounding the build-up to this month's series finale of Breaking Bad, I'd forgive you if you're a little sick of hearing Bryan Cranston's name, so I give you full permission to skip on to the final section. However, that'd be kind of a dumb decision, because Cranston is an awesome actor, so hearing news that he's pegged to play blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo is fantastic news. If you don't know who Trumbo was, he was the screenwriter behind both Spartacus and Roman Holiday; a victim of the terrible McCarthy witch trials but also the man who helped end the blacklisting for good and clear his own name.
AND THIS WEEK IN WORLD OF YOUR NIGHTMARES...
This is the most confusing thing to ever happen, isn't it? So the first terrifying thing to happen was that Nic Cage actually turned down a role, dropping out of the running to play the villain in Expendables 3. I'll just repeat that once more: Nic Cage turned down a role. Can you feel the shivers running down your neck? Next step: they decided to cast Dr. Frasier Crane. Granted, Kelsey Grammer has also recently nabbed the role of villain on Transformers: Age of Extinction, but still, Dr. Fraiser Crane. Between this and the Lars von Trier stuff, I'm not sure I'm coping too well with this week's news. I'm definitely going to go lie down for a really extended period of time now.