While it's all good and well to try and re-cap the week's movie news, we realise that it's the end of the week and the daily grind has probably all but frazzled your brain, to the point where you can't concentrate on actual words or things that aren't brightly coloured. This is where the internet sensation for GIFs come in, because why try and explain things when you can simply capture all your emotions in one constantly looping moving image.
HAVE YOU REALLY PROCESSED HOW GREAT THE TRAILER FOR THE WOLF OF WALL STREET IS?
If you've only watched it once, you're going to have to go back and watch it a couple more times because a lot of beautiful things happened in those 2 minutes and 15 seconds and I find it hard to believe your brain could cope processing it all in a single dose. I mean, Matthew McConaughey, a monkey in a suit, THAT DANCE MOVIE. Brb, watching it again.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT MICHAEL CERA NOW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
That's it, Cera-haters, your days are numbered. The actor is piling up the credits and has officially established himself as a respected indie-actor. With Magic Magic gearing up for release, and so soon after appearing in shorts Gregory Go Boom and Brazzavile Teen-Ager (directing the latter), we've now been treated to a trailer of Cera's next outing, the drug-themed road trip movie Crystal Fairy.
JAMES FRANCO...ANOTHER PROJECT...SOMETHING...BUSY...SOMETHING, SOMETHING...CHILL, DUDE.
I've honestly just run out of things to say about James Franco's work ethic. If on top of the other 5 billion things he's doing, he wants to start up a Kickstarter project to fund not one, but three movies based off his short stories then so be it. I honestly don't care anymore. But don't expect me to be there when you wipe yourself out, Franco.
SALMA HAYEK ATONES FOR HER SINS (AND BY SINS I MEAN WILD WILD WEST).
Apparently Will Smith didn't get the memo, but Salma's been working hard, being the latest star announced to voice the intriguing animated feature The Prophet, an adaptation of a collection of 26 prose poetry essays by Lebanonese artist Gibran. It'll also star Liam Neeson, John Krasinski, Frank Lagella, Alfred Molina, and Quvenzhané Wallis.
JANE GOT A GUN AIN'T THE ONLY PRODUCTION IN DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE.
While the drama surrounding Natalie Portman's Western movie has died down, a successor to the throne was quickly declared by The Playlist: the struggling Marvin Gaye biopic Sexual Healing. Apparently, Focus Features have stepped away from the project and the financing of the movie is in a rut. Production has stalled three weeks before completion and people aren't getting paid, which is all-round bad news. If you don't want your movie to get into trouble, maybe don't call it something so stupid and obvious as Sexual Healing, maybe?
GODDAMMIT BAFFLECK AND YOUR STUPID ARGO. YOU'VE OPENED THE FLOODGATES.
Now Russell Crowe wants to get all-respected, because people won't stop making fun of how bad his singing was in Les Miserables. Possibly. Crowe's making his directorial debut with The Water Diviners, in which he'll also play the starring role of a man in search of his sons in Turkey during the aftermath of the Gallipoli war. We just have to hope to God this doesn't win any Oscars, otherwise this whole actor-director thing is going to get out of control.
AND THIS WEEK IN THE WORLD OF YOUR NIGHTMARES...
So it's been officially announced that the director of Nowhere Boy and wife to its star Aaron, Sam Taylor-Johnson, will be directing the "highly anticipated" big-screen adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. Really think Aaron may have dropped the ball here in his duties as other-half. Isn't the point of marriage having someone that will stop you doing stupid stuff like directing an adaptation of an erotic novel so bad it started its life as Twlilight fan-fiction? Although to stop this article ending too bleakly, Armie Hammer was supposedly offered the lead role but turned it down because, to quote, "I mean, come on — it’s just mommy porn. I’m not going to sit on top of the laundry machine in spin cycle reading about putting a ball gag in someone’s mouth. That doesn’t do it for me." Respect, Armie.
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