While it's all good and well to try and re-cap the week's movie news, we realise that it's the end of the week and the daily grind has probably all but frazzled your brain, to the point where you can't concentrate on actual words or things that aren't brightly coloured. This is where the internet sensation for GIFs comes in, because why try and explain things when you can simply capture all your emotions in one constantly looping moving image.
AD-ROCK IS TAKIN' OVER UR CINEMA SCREENZ.
The Beastie Boys band member has just been cast in Noah Baumbach's next feature While We're Young, alongside Ben Stiller, Adam Driver (Girls), Naomi Watts, and Amanda Seyfried. The man isn't a total newbie on the scene though, having already starred in three movies in the late '80s and early '90s: Lost Angels, A Kiss Before Dying, and Roadside Prophets. Boy, next thing you know he's going to end up in one of these Hunger Games sequels.
PLEASE JUST GET MARRIED STEVE MCQUEEN AND MICHAEL FASSBENDER.
The trailer for 12 Years a Slave was released this week and it's set to be one of the most powerful and incredible movies of the year. And, totally unsurprisingly, Fassbender's in for another terrifying, brilliantly played role as Edwin Epps, the cruel plantation owner who tortured Solomon Northup, the man kidnapped and sold into slavery in the 1840s. Seriously, Fassbender and McQueen do need to get married so that they're forever bonded and forced to work together on every movie until the end of time.
WOODY ALLEN MIGHT RETURN TO STAND UP.
OK, so the actual extent of this rumour is that he mentioned in an interview with the New York Times that he was "toying with the idea" but probably won't because that'd be a lot of work when he can just keep making movies like usual. Still, can you just imagine it? And more importantly, can you imagine the total frenzy and probable death toll which would surround actually acquiring a ticket to a Woody Allen stand-up show? Maybe it's just better for keeping society intact if he just leaves it alone.
VINCENT GALLO JUST...CONTINUES.
In the week's least surprising news, you can now watch a crazy-looking trailer for the new Vincent Gallo movie The Legend of Kaspar Hauser which sees the actor play dual roles as The Sheriff (speaking in English) and The Pusher (speaking in Italian). There's some dancing involved, beyond that I give up trying to explain it to you.
STOP LAUGHING AT CUMBERBATCH'S ASSANGE HAIR.
This is a very serious movie about a very serious, controversial subject. You should not be laughing so much at that wig which appears to have been stolen from Nic Cage's closet. Or how it makes Cumberbatch look like what can only be described as an otter magician. That would be an otter who has his own Las Vegas show where he levitates and cuts in half other otters.
AND THIS WEEK IN THE WORLD OF YOUR NIGHTMARES...
Oliver Stone will just not let go and accept that Alexander is a horrible movie. He's recently announced that there will be a fourth cut of the movie released onto DVD, to go alongside the cinematic cut which was apparently rushed by market dates, a director's cut, AND Alexander Revisited: The Final Unrated Cut (lol, final), which let him explore his original intentions to make the movie a parallel between Alexander and his parents. This one, though, has 20 minutes cut and will "tell the story that I wanted to tell," according to Stone, even though this sounds an awful lot like someone stuck in the denial stage of the grief process.
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